Wow. Amazing. I’ve been gone for 9 hrs and haven’t got one single email, msn message, text message, phone call.. That means that if I had been killed, the killer could be halfway around the world by now.

I have no friends :(
Might be because I’m boring and mean and ugly, but still.

:(

Now, I seem to have people close to me that I can’t talk to because they get pissed off every time I open my mouth to say something. So I’m just going to tell you guys instead and hope that you can give me better answers than “whatever”. Plz? :)

Quick question. Do I seem to be a liar? Am I a dishonest person?
I think most of my readers would agree with me that I’m right the opposite, mostly I’m painfully honest about things. If I want something I say it (which usually gives me a lot of shit but I’m used to it so what do I care). If someone asks me something I answer, and I don’t lie unless I have to or someone asks me to. Or do I?
You tell me?
Do you get the impression that I lie much?

So, about something completely different. I went looking at an apartment today! It’s REALLY nice, it’s huge compared to the place I had when I’d just moved out from my mum. And it’s got a decent kitchen and a balcony and a BATHTUB and… well, the only bad thing is that I have to go downstairs to the basement to do my laundry and ofc it’s just not only one room but TWO, and I reallyreally hate basements. But I’ll be ok I guess, I’ve done it before. *pep talk*
Finally I can take care of my own apartment again <3

It’s funny, I ate dinner today. But I’m hungry. And I haven’t really got anything decent to eat. And it’s too late to go to Subway. Mrrr, I’ll have to wait till the morning. Woaaa season 2 of The Big Bang Theory just finished downloading (I mean the mailman just dropped it off *coughcough*) I’m off!
Ciao!

I’ve been re-writing this blog post a billion times. Every time I write something different. But nothing fits. Because there are no words that will ever tell what I feel. It’s just too fucked up. Because that’s what I did. What we did. We fucked up. Bad.
I think I’ll just sit back and hate myself for this for the rest of my life.

Yes rage, I know that there’s going to be trouble. A LOT OF IT.
Because I will have to get my ass to Sundsvall this afternoon and there’s just no way that’s happening. WHICH FAILS.

Fuck this.

I am seriously going to have a heart attack. I can’t do this. I don’t even know how to get my ass to Stockholm, it’s really bad weather with blizzards, a LOT of snow and a LOT of accidents and I’ll probably die if I get on a bus. I’d prefer train. Can I get my ass to Sundsvall tomorrow afternoon? Do I want to wait at Arlanda for 12 hrs before my plane leaves?

Ugh.

I feel beautiful.
I’m not sure why though, might have to do with my hair. Or the fact that today is that kind of day when I just accept that this is the best I can be, this is me, and if that’s not good enough for you then fuck off. Maybe I’m just starting to deal with myself? Deal with that there are more important things in life than feeling bad because my nose is big and crooked or because my breasts are uneven or my hair is curly.
Anyway, today I’m beautiful.

Just thought I’d share that with you.

I forgot. A picture from after my haircut.
Sorry for the extremely shitty quality, my webcam sucks. Feel free to buy me a new one.



That’s what I look like now.

Okay, I’m annoyed. Really annoyed.
Last week I got a letter telling me that there will be a chimney sweeper (is that the word?) over to clean the ventilation system in the kitchen. He was supposed to come today, which made me stay home from work since Lars wouldn’t wake up and I have curious cats so I don’t like having people in my apartment when nobody’s there to check on them.
Anyway, just got another letter telling me that they’ll come tomorrow. DUDE, people have work to do, how stupid can you be?!

Oh well. At least I got time to finish cleaning up, ironing clothes and so on. I’ll try to get time to work some tonight too, I desperately need the money.

Also, I’ve decided to give a dream up. It’s a dream I’ve had for some time but I now know I’ll never fulfill it so I’m going to leave it behind. It’s the dream about leaving Sweden to do a study year somewhere else. I’m still going to try to leave Sweden, there is just no reason for me to stay here. But I will never be able to afford a study year, it’s expensive shit. So I just threw away all the information I got from EF. This is the life of the poor.

Back to ironing.
Ciao

I just watched The Reader. A somewhat weird movie, but it was interesting. Emotional. It made me think, and there are only a few movies that have had that effect on me. It feels like I could stare into a wall for years, I don’t know if a movie has ever made me feel this…low. Almost like when I watched “PS. I love you” thinking that it should make me feel better (I didn’t really know what the storyline was). I was depressed before I started watching it, by the time I finished it I was broken into pieces. That sucked.



But this movie was.. I don’t know, it’s great but different. I don’t regret watching it.

I think that what I feel is loneliness. That deep loneliness when it feels like you could have a bunch of people around you talking to you and you’d still feel alone.


Music of the day; Generation by Caitlin Crosby. She is great, and I’ve listened to this song on repeat all morning while working.

As you are you’re not enough
So If youre weak play it tough
Put on your mask
be one of them
They’ll like you now and be your friend
Paint it on
do the deed
Disrespect yourself
down on your knees

Ciao!


(Yes, I’m well aware that it’s 4.54AM and no, I’m not going to sleep tonight. I work early.)

Okay. 4 days. 4 DAYS PEOPLE.
Until I go back to Chicago. This time I’ll be there for a month. I’m nervous, scared, anxious, terrified and… happy. Or I will be happy when I get there at least. It’s what I’ve been waiting for since I got onto the plane to Canada the last time. I can’t wait to get there!

There are still a lot of things I have to do before I leave. Buy bus tickets, buy a small suitcase, finish packing.. You get the picture!

Oh, to you people who’ve asked me to send you postcards (haha, I find it awesome that people actually want them, but I don’t mind, I like sending postcards!), and you know or think that I might not have your address, please email/sms them to me, because I’m not going to google you and stalk you to find it :P
If you, becuase of sneaky parents or so, need to get the postcard sent in an envelope, PLEASE remind me, or I will forget and you’ll be grounded for life, haha.

I would also like to say that I will bring my laptop with me, that way it shouldn’t be a problem to come in contact with me during my stay in Chicago.
Now, help me. What do I have to pack? Clothes and cellphone charger and stuff like that obviously, but what could I forget?..

I’m off, need to clean kitchen up and continue packing.
Ciao!